What Would happen If?
by MBlack-Sirius' Secret Lover
Summary: What would happen if Gilderoy Lockhart put the Imperius Curse on Snape?
1. ForgetMeNotBlue & Blondes

What Would Happen if Gilderoy Lockhart put the Imperius Charm on Snape?  
  
Disclaimer: Characters belong to J. K. Rowling. Gilderoy Lockhart belongs in St. Mungos  
  
Potions Class: 7th year Slytherins and Gryffindors.  
  
G. L.: Everybody, take out your Gilderoy Lockhart Designer Brush!  
  
Harry: What?  
  
Ron: Dumb blonde!  
  
G. L.: Draco, do you have highlights?  
  
Draco: Yes, sir. I had Father do it. He was getting a facial.  
  
Hermione: Professor, aren't we supposed to be studying?  
  
G.L: Yes Miss Granger. Oh! Did you get your hair straightened?  
  
Hermione: Um, yes. Are-are you feeling Ok?  
  
G. L.: why, yes! I'm all fine and dandy!  
  
Ron: Creepy!  
  
G. L.: Mister Potter! What happened to your hair?!?  
  
Harry: Wh-what?  
  
G. L.: Harry, Harry, Harry! When's the last time you put conditioner in that unruly hair of yours?  
  
Harry: Are you ok? You sound like that fool Lockhart!  
  
G. L.: POTTER! DETENTION! Honestly, DO NOT TALK ABOUT BEAUTIFUL GILDEROY LIKE THAT!  
  
Harry: Yes, Professor.  
  
Ron: Hey, Harry. Do you think that Snape's a little gay?  
  
Harry: Yes! Why does he care about my hair?  
  
Hermione: I agree. 'I'm all fine and dandy!' That's just-  
  
Ron: Vile!  
  
Harry: Shut up! Snape's looking at us!  
  
G. L.: Draco! How did you get your hair like that?  
  
Draco: Father's a beautician. If you want, I'll talk to him and set you up with an appointment.  
  
G. L.: Draco! Twenty points to Slytherin! I really must talk to that father of yours!  
  
Draco: Perfect! Oh, Professor! Look, you have a mole! We must burn it off!  
  
G. L.: Can you dye me hair blonde?  
  
Draco: Yes. What kind of blonde do you want? We can make it dirty blonde, strawberry blonde, platinum blonde, regular blonde, and-  
  
G. L.: Yes, yes! I'll talk to you later! Oh, before I forget, can your father changer my eye colour?  
  
Draco: Yes, what colour?  
  
G. L.: Forget Me Not Blue!  
  
Draco: It's a done deal!  
  
G. L.: Class is dismissed! Harry stay behind. We need to sort out your detention  
  
Harry: I'll meet you in the common room.  
  
Gryffindor Common Room  
  
Ron: Harry, how did it go?  
  
Harry: I have to meet him at 8:00 tonight.  
  
Hermione: Time for defence Against the Dark Arts!  
  
Snape' s class room  
  
G. L.: Harry, come here.  
  
Harry: Sir, what do I have to do?  
  
Gilderoy says something horrible.  
  
Harry: Ahhhhhhh! NO! NOT THAT! ANYTHING BUT THAT!  
  
Gryffindor Common Room, 10:30 P.M.  
  
Ron: Gods, what took you so long?  
  
Hermione: yes, Harry. You've been there for nearly three hours!  
  
Harry starts crying.  
  
Hermione: Oh, it couldn't be that bad!  
  
Harry: it was! I had to put makeup on him! Then I had to change his clothes! He-he wasn't wearing anything under his robes!  
  
Ron: NASTY! I think I'm gonna be sick!  
  
Hermione: Don't worry, we'll talk to Dubledore in the morning.  
  
Harry: Ok. I'll see you then. I have to go to sleep.  
  
The End! 


	2. Albus Interferes

What Would Happen If Gilderoy Lockhart Put the Imperius Curse on Snape Part 2: Albus Interferes.  
  
In Dumbledore's Office  
  
AD: Children? What do you want?  
  
Hermione! Well, harry had detention and Professor Snape-  
  
AD: Lemon Drop?  
  
Hermione: No, sir. As I was saying-  
  
AD: Harry-lemon drop?  
  
Harry: No.  
  
Hermione: As I was saying, at Harry's detention, Professor Snape told Harry-  
  
AD: Ronald-Lemon Drop?  
  
Ron: SHUT UP YOU OLD FOOL!  
  
AD: Ronald Weasley, watch your mouth!  
  
Hermione: -to put makeup on him and-  
  
AD: Hermione, sherbet lemon?  
  
Hermione: No thank you, sir. - change his-  
  
AD: Young Ronald-sherbert lemon?  
  
Ron: You know what A. D. stands for? It stands for Amused Dumb-arse!  
  
AD: Ronald, I'm warning you.  
  
Hermione: -robes. He wasn't wearing anything under-  
  
AD: Harry-sherbert lemon?  
  
Harry: No Professor.  
  
Hermione: -them. At class he and Draco were-  
  
AD: Hermione-chess?  
  
Hermione: No sir. -talking about-  
  
AD: Ron-chess?  
  
Ron: Um, maybe later.  
  
AD: Ok, after dinner.  
  
Hermione:-Snape' s hair and eye colour. Draco-  
  
AD: Harry-chess?  
  
Harry: No, sir.  
  
Hermione:-was talking about Lucius Malfoy being a beautician. He-  
  
AD: Hermione- Want to pet Fawkes?  
  
Hermione: No sir. -  
  
AD: Harry- Want to pet Fawkes?  
  
Harry: No sir, Hermione is trying to tell you something.  
  
AD: Yes, yes. Ron-Want to pet Fawkes?  
  
Ron: NO! WILL YOU SHUT THE HECK UP!?!  
  
AD: Ronald, you will be hearing from your mother.  
  
Ron: NOT MUM! NOT MUMMY! NOOOOO!  
  
Hermione:-wantsto eet Mr. Malfory -  
  
AD: Miss Granger-Want a jelly bean?  
  
Hermione: SHUT UP YOU CRACKPOT-SMOKING FOOL! I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING IMPORTANT! KEEP ON INTERUPTING ME AND YOU WILL PAY!  
  
Hermione left the building. Ron was still crying. Harry was staring at his shadow. Albus was sucking on a lemon drop.  
  
Thanks to BitingMonkeyWithBannana! 


	3. A War Between Lemon Drops

What Would Happen if Lockhart put the Imperius Curse on Snape? Part 3: A war Between Lemon Drops  
  
A/N: Dear God! I forgot to post this on FF.net! I finished this weeks ago! Please forgive me and review!  
  
Disclaimer: Got-to-stop! JKR owns all of my heroes! *sobs* Why can't I own just one? Only one?  
  
Cryffindor Common Room  
  
Hermione: The Headmaster is planning something.  
  
Harry: I know. Do you think that we can risk being in there?  
  
Ron: No! I have an idea! Steal his lemon drops!  
  
Hermione: Now, wait there Ronald Weasley! Stealing from our Headmaster?  
  
Harry: Shut it, 'Mione! Ron, how about we make our own. We can just add a little . . .  
  
Hermione: No! HARRY JAMES POTTER, I THOUGHT YOU WOULD-  
  
Harry: *Stupefy* Ha! That should shut her up!  
  
Ron: Yeah! Two points to Potter!  
  
Harry: Drat! We have Potions!  
  
*Potions Classroom*  
  
GL: Boys and girls, today we make some hair calming paste for Mr. Potter!  
  
Harry: WHAT? No- Hermione tramps on his foot.  
  
GL: Harry, anything you want to say to your handsome Potions Master? It'll cost you a date!  
  
Harry: God, no!  
  
GL: Aww, to bad. I was looking forward Saturday night, hint hint.  
  
Ron: Professor, you are being- Hermione tramps on his foot.  
  
Hermione: Professor, please stop hitting on Harry! Harry does not like old men!  
  
GL: Hey, I'm only thirty-five! Ten points from Gryffindor!  
  
Ron: WHAT? Now, that is-  
  
Harry: 'Mione is right!  
  
GL: Detention! Potter Weasley and Granger! Stay after class!  
  
Harry: Now that's the Snape we know and love!  
  
Hermione: Hush!  
  
Ron: Yeah, Harry. Lockhart wanna be is looking at us!  
  
GL: Ronald, have you ever thought about cutting your hair? It looks kinda long in the back.  
  
Ron: Just who do you think you are!  
  
GL: Class dismisted!  
  
Gryffindor Common Room  
  
Hermione: I don't like this. Not at all.  
  
Ron: Shut up, book worm!  
  
Harry: C'mon! My secret stuff is added in those lemon drops, the old man won't know what hit him!  
  
Hermione: Harry! Where's your respect for your elders?  
  
Harry: Shut it, Miss Prefect! Do you wanna be in on this?  
  
Hermione: Um, well . . . Yes.  
  
Harry: That's what I thought!  
  
Dumbledore's Office  
  
AD: Harry, Hermione, Young Ronald, Lem-  
  
Harry: Professor, lemon drop?  
  
AD: Mister Harry Potter? You made lemon drops for me?  
  
Harry: Well, . . .yes.  
  
AD: Great! I'll just try some!  
  
AD pops on in his mouth and makes a funny face.  
  
AD: I donot think that-  
  
Dumbledore drops dead on the floor.  
  
Hermione: We killed a teacher! We killed a teacher! Oh, we're going to be in so much tro-  
  
Harry: Shut up! He's not dead! He is just . . .Sleeping.  
  
Hermione: Well, why did iuit take you so long to say that?  
  
Ron: Cool! He can't call my mum now! Yay!  
  
Harry: Shut up, Ron. He is not dead and he will call your mum.  
  
Hermione: Well, Harry. If he is not dead, when will he wake up?  
  
Harry: Well, you see, Dumbledore was being annoying. Now we can go to Snape's office and see whats wrong with him.  
  
Hermione: Well that is no excuse for putting a sleeping draught in Headmaster's lemon drop!  
  
Harry: Right, 'Mione. But you see Dumbledore is a cunning old fool and sticks his crooked nose in other people's business! Now, he can't stop us!  
  
Ron: Great Harry! Our so-called Snape won't see us if we use that invisability cloak of yours!  
  
Hermione: I'm not likeing this!  
  
Harry: Shut up. Ron, I love that empty-red-head of yours.  
  
Ron turned red.  
  
Ron: Harry, my idea isn't that good.  
  
Harry: Yeah, your right. Now, lets go!  
  
A/N: Review or else I'll quit typing this! Not like you guys care anyways. 


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